I Have My Reasons
by beisel76
Summary: In a super-secret diary entry that could one day become the most potent blackmail ever, Damon enumerates some of the reasons he's with Jeremy. Warning: Humor is attempted and m/m relationship is mentioned.


I have my Reasons Part 1 – Damon

Not that I feel the need to justify my relationship with Mini-Gilbert. This is just consolidation of what's floating around in my head while I watch him sleep. I feel so damn sappy, it disgusting. I have to get this out, and burn the paper. God help me if Stefan or Ric finds it. I mean it; I will gargle with vervain if either of them finds this.

He's adorable. There's no denying it. He's tried to make himself look older – different hair, different clothes, actually wearing the glasses he was prescribed – but it's not possible. I've always imagined myself with Katherine – the picture of feminine beauty. He shattered that image, and I've never been happier to have one of my dreams taken away.

I can teach him. There's so much he doesn't know, about practically everything. From history to the occult, and not to mention the bedroom. I can impart knowledge like a pro. And he wants to learn. There aren't a lot of people who take what I say seriously. It's nice to have someone who will believe me. Not that he listens to me.

On a similar track, he actually asks for my opinion, and not out of desperation or as a last resort. He'll even take my opinion over his sister's or his aunt's. I've had to force him into making decisions by himself a few times. The number would be much higher, but I couldn't handle the puppy-eyes.

There's another one – those damn eyes. I actually feel bad when they turn watery or sad. I want them to light up, and stay that way all the time. Especially when he's with me. Katherine's got nothing on those eyes.

Back to the same track as two, but not really, he's not as oblivious as everyone thinks he is. He sees a lot, almost everything. He notices and records in his brain like a freaking TiVo. And God knows he's not your average teenager, despite the emotional instability and past drug use.

Speaking of which, he's got some serious issues. _I like that._ Anyone with no emotional baggage whatsoever is just boring and probably in denial. I mean, his parents died, his old history teacher had a raging hard-on for him (I'm so glad I killed that guy, seriously, what a douche), his best friend is a werewolf with constant PMS (he gets upset when I talk about Taylor like that…or is it Trager? Tanner? Whatever, the Lockwood pup), his sister can be a real bitch, her friends can be even worse, his first love turned into a vampire and tried to kill him, his second love originally intended to feed him to her mom (that sounds strange even if in context), and his third love originally wanted his sister, and let's not forget that he also snapped his neck like a twig (that guy is so fucked up, let me tell you). And most irresistible of all, he pulled through it.

So it's been established that he's strong, but he's fragile too. He can get hurt; that ring doesn't heal him on the inside (Oh God, I'm so sappy – I sound like Stefan!). I thought it was cute how he used to hide it all at first, how he'd wait until he was alone in his bedroom to let the tears slip out, and even then he was still so restrained. Then I thought it was stupid and prideful, and subsequently realized that it was the same thing I'd do except without two bottles of scotch.

That brings me to another one – we're similar, but mostly not. I mean, there are a lot of differences there, but the similarities are so awesome. I bet even Elena doesn't know this – he _loves_ to dance, and we can agree that The Lost Boys is the best modern vampire movie. Its tiny things like those that add real spark to any relationship. If you're too similar, it's like fucking yourself (which I would so do if it was physically possible).

He wants to be a vampire, and it's not that he's in love with the romance novel version of our un-lives; he wants to have some power in his life, and he doesn't want to feel the pain anymore. I can_ so _get that. That's by far the best reason anyone I've ever met has had for becoming a vampire. And there's no tension like there is with Stefan and Elena over the issue – it's not an issue for us. There are no hang-ups or confusion; we will not end. I'll turn him and he'll enjoy it.

He'd be good at it too. I know everyone thinks he's sweet and harmless, but Jeremy can be ruthless. If you mess with the people he loves, he'll fuck you up. If one of his friends is in trouble, he'll do anything to help. But he has no delusions; he see's things the way they are and he tells it like it is. He's a very no-bullshit person. If ever there was a perfect recipe for a vampire, its right there.

His lips. They're soft and firm at the same time, and they're not thin like Katherine's or Elena's. Jeremy has lips that were _made_ for long hours of kissing. And What can I say? I've never been the type of guy to let something sit idle.

He loves it when I bite him. There's a surge of serotonin and adrenaline that just tastes so damn good. And on top of his already awesome-tasting blood? It's too much. I couldn't resist biting him, and neither could Vicki or Anna. I wouldn't be able to be near him if he didn't like being bitten. And besides, it's nice to watch him blush when I trace the marks left behind or when I talk dirty about it. He loves it. And the look on his face when I sink my teeth into his soft skin and _suck_. He'll give me forever to stop.

But you'd better not ever call him a fangbanger, unless you're too chicken to kill yourself by any of the common, conventional means. Jeremy has attitude, and balls (believe me, I know – I am very thorough).

In the same vein (ha ha) he doesn't want me because I'm a vampire. He wants me for who I am (here we go again with the Stefan-esque sappiness). After a century and half of compelling and seducing people, it's nice to have someone drawn to me without me exerting any effort.

And here's the whopper – he loves me. And I love him back. This is where my previous statement about burning this came from. I knew what love was when I met Katherine all those years ago, and it was hard to recognize after I met Jeremy due to prolonged absence, but it was there. I haven't felt this way since Katherine, and I'm almost grateful for her breaking my heart when she came back. I couldn't love Mini Gilbert (he hates it when I call him that BTW) if I was still wasting time on her. Not that the pull was immediate. Don't get me wrong, he annoyed the hell out of me at first; hence the neck-snapping

On second thought, maybe I'll keep this. It may come in handy when Stefan and Elena try to convince Jeremy that I can't possibly love him (remember what I said about her being a real bitch? You can tack 'egotistical as hell' to the end of that).


End file.
